Yup, I went all metaphorical on you all :-). I still haven't really been hitting a work out routine. But I have to. So much depends on upon it. First and foremost...my mental health. I have dealt with depression issues since college. I wouldn't say I am full on depressed right now (as in....in need of medication) but I am in need of something or else it will lead to that. I am not opposed to medication, because it does work and has worked for me in the past. But I would rather not take it if I don't have to. I prefer the all natural medication: running and working out truly are my therapies. The thing is, I am in such poor shape I don't even know if it's going to work since I can't really push myself right now :-). But I must get back on the horse. I am meeting up with my new "running partner" on Monday....or so I hope. Hopefully just having to meet someone will help get me out of bed and into a routine.
I think a lot of the depressive feelings I currently have are just from everything all at once. The move has been really hard on me. Trying to figure out how to manage two kids (as in....give them both the attention they need ALL FREAKIN' DAY LONG) has been really, really hard. Not having any support system over here has made the last two things even more difficult. I sometimes think that having twins would make it all easier because at least they'd have each other, and they'd both be on the same page of development and able to do the same things.
There have been many days lately where I just really want to run away from it all. I know, not cool at all. Hubbie has been working a lot lately and so I pretty much cover everything, hell I would do it anyway if he wasn't working a lot. I know it's my "job" but I hate it. I so want to love my job. But doing all of the cleaning, all of the meal planning, all of the errand running, 95% of the kid duties just isn't fun for me. I have contemplated moving back to the US so I can get a job but of course that isn't a realistic option.
To top it off my patience has been crap lately. I have snapped at Jackson more than a few times and I hate it. I am usually not that way. My life just feels so out of balance and unhappy. How often do you guys feel like this?
Sorry for the vent. I need to stop being such a debbie downer. Hope you all have a great weekend!!
3 comments:
I can totally relate to this. And Elena has been trying my patience more than ever before. I hope it is just a phase, but I feel like she doesn't listen to anything I say and getting out of the house is so hard. There have been a couple times that I snapped at her and I felt so bad. She started crying and then I was crying...we were both a mess that day. And taking care of Adelaide is so time consuming. I feel like I am either nursing her, feeding her solids, trying to get her down for a nap, carrying her around because she likes to be held, or changing her diaper. I keep telling myself that it will get easier and that it won't be like this forever. If Jackson goes to preschool, maybe that will make things a bit easier for you. Elena goes in Sept, but only for 5 hrs/wk so that isn't much of a break for me.
I'm glad that we're all in this together! I hope things gets better for you. You were thrown everything at once. I hope you find your niche there and a support group!
I am just getting caught up on blogs so it's been a while since you posted this. I hope your Monday run went well. I can't even imagine how you are dealing with everything in Paris. I can barely handle Minnesota. I think you deserve to feel a little down. You are going through A LOT. Embrace it and then move on.
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