Never "perfect"

I have this really bad habit at staying or looking back at the past and wishing I would have made different decisions. I am really starting to rethink my decision to hold off getting pregnant. It's really starting to bother me. I know it's way easier to look back on it and think that I should have made a different decision. anyways, I'm rambling.

I couldn't take the suspense so I took a pregnancy test. Not pregnant. Of course I am not supposed to get my period until Sunday but I figure a negative test now means not pregnant since it's so close. I'm so frustrated! We have "tried" three times now and no luck. Of course I say "tried" because according to my online ovulation planner the hubster wasn't really home for much of the necessary special times, i.e. the day I ovulated. Still, we ahem, tried as much as possible anyway.

But still, I'm frustrated. Part of me looks back and says WTF was I thinking waiting? I know in my heart I wasn't ready to give up my body and everything that goes along with being pregnant; sick, uncomfortable, tired, etc. BUT now that I really want to be pregnant, and want a baby, all of those things seem so stupid and extremely selfish. Plus, of the last 6 months I think the hubster has actually "been available" twice. And that was early on. So, yes, life also just got in the way. Sperm donor anyone??? I've said this before but, why oh why can't we just pick up our kids from the market? I know there is a saying about getting pregnant, something along the lines of it being the one thing in life we just can't truly control. And it's true. No matter how type-a we want life to be, ultimately when it comes to baby making it truly is out of hands (sorta).

And the marathon...part of me is just not wanting to run it. I'm being a total baby. Again with the negativity. I just really, really wanted to qualify...why I don't know. But now that I really don't think I will I am just getting a bad attitude and want to just say screw it and not run. This is just not my normal mindset at all; not a quitter. I get frustrated easily but not a quitter. Plus, who knows, what if this training really is a problem at trying to get pregnant?

Ok, off to bed to get a better mindset! But first I'll be stopping to eat a couple strawberries out of the edible arrangement my hubby sent me. They are super delicious! So much better than flowers!!!

Have a great weekend everyone!!!